Matter of Choice or choice of matters

This is my first blog and I don't know what should I start with....I don't have an opening line either...but I have a thought which has been making frequent trips to my conscience.

I don’t know how much is too much for a woman to take things in her stride. I do not believe in moral policing but sometimes wonder at their tolerance intensity. Though I have never been on the receiving end of physical abuse but I have seen, heard and read about such mind shattering abusive incidents that I can’t help but wonder what would I do if were her…..

Sarika*was (I am using the term was because that is what she was) an ordinary girl from a middle class family who was always treated like a son since she was the only daughter. Her parents thought she was a blessed child since they were in their late 30s when she was born. She grew up with a large extended family and enjoyed every bit of her life. She was a pretty looking girl who was a tempting choice for guys since she led a fearless life…… (It was life till she got married…)
As she grew up, she got her share of attention from guys and had couple of encounters with the ones she liked. but the guys never got the good of her since she had her own reservations towards physical intimacy.

Soon after her last break up with her boyfriend on mutual basis, she got in touch with an old childhood friend who somehow always had a soft corner for her. She started living the phrase, “Love is blind”.. because with her beauty, brains and strength, she could have got any guy she wanted. But what she got was something (I stand by using the term something for Mahesh because referring him as somebody is not even human) loud, possessive and huge. It was a combination of beauty and the beast. she swore by his love and passion and he swore by her love and attention…they swore till all they could do was swear at each other….
She knew what she was getting into..because after some years of their relationship he started abusing her and accusing her of luring other guys towards her. He got so insecure within himself that whenever she blinked her eyes and smiled, he thought she was doing it for somebody else. For sometime he held on his horses but soon afterwards he let his imagination run wild. Every time he met her, he would get drunk and accuse her of sleeping with some guy. He started calling her names. She threatened to end things up but every time he cried and begged for mercy only to return to his sick behavior. I know you must be thinking that what kind of a girl would take anything like this. I have known her since ages and till today I regret that maybe if I had encouraged a bit more she could have broken up with Mahesh. The reason that fixed her feet on the ground was the relation that Sarika’s & Mahesh’s family shared. Both the families knew about their relationship and had started discussing it internally. Mahesh’s parents couldn’t have been happier as they had never expected a guy who drank, smoked and misbehaved would get a girl like Sarika. They were convinced that Sarika was the balance that Mahesh needed to stabilize his life. Little had they known……..
Post their relationship of 3 years, Mahesh and Sarika got married. The last time I saw the real Sarika was during her Bidaai…It’s been one year since they are married now. The first few times I got to meet her in rushes..and every time I met her, all she said that there is too much happening in her life and she wanted to speak to me about it. Finally after the 4th month of her marriage, I got to meet her alone. The Sarika I knew was gone long. What stood in front of me was the pale, fragile and frail version of Sarika with marks on her body. I was appalled to see the sight and wanted to take her in my arms and let her cry. But I chose the contrary..I somehow gathered the guts to ask her about the marks on her body
But she casually changed the topic. It took me lot of persuasion to finally get the truth out of her mouth. Her words still ring in my mind, “Khush, Mahesh has been drinking every single day and coming home. He expects me to work like dogs throughout the day and do all the chores and after that listen to his accusations and bullshit. Yesterday, when I warned him that I would leave him and go, he tried choking me and dragged me out of the room. He threw me like a useless piece of paper in front of his parents, brother and bhabhi on the floor. He started abusing me and went on calling me names. And you know what, instead of his parents & other people stopping him, they started blaming me. You know what they said; they accused me of instigating him to behave like this. Do you think they would have said the same thing if their son in law would have done this to their daughter? I was shocked. My mouth just went dry and I felt like committing suicide right there. I still have my parents to think about. I am their only child. I slept in the guest room last night & nobody bothered to even come and check if I was alive. How can somebody be so cold? You know Mahesh has been forcing me to have sex with him in spite of the fights we have and whenever I have refused to do so he has imposed himself upon me. A newly wedded couple makes love, go out for dates and help each other adjust with the changes. I didn’t know that this was transformed into getting raped by your drunken husband every alternate day, sit at home all day long doing household chores and then listen to all the crap that your husband gives you.”

For the first time in my life I didn’t have words to say. Female abuse happens in Hindi movies, it happens with illiterate and uncivilized section of the society. It cannot be happening to Sarika. Sarika, who slapped guys at railway platforms if they acted fresh, who shot back at anybody who stared at her, Sarika who was always proud of her straight forward attitude. That was my last conversation with her. Today I spoke to her after 9 months of her so called marriage. My heart skipped a beat when I heard her voice. She was sounding calm and indifferent. I asked her how she was and how were things with her. All she said was that she is used to everything now and has adjusted herself to Mahesh. She said she will speak to me later and hung up.
“Adjusted to Mahesh”……was a concoction of all the emotions that she wanted to express but couldn’t. Was she getting adjusted to being molested or raped every single day? Was she getting adjusted to Mahesh thrashing her everyday? Was she getting adjusted to her in laws treating her like inanimate object which is put only for display in front of the guests? Since today morning all these thoughts have been ringing a bell in my mind. The Sarika I knew is a hazed image of fearless life and fun. The Sarika I spoke to today is a dead soul trapped in a fragile body. I tried calling her many times…but of no avail….

As I said in the beginning that I do not have an opening line for my first blog, I shared something with every single person reading this or ignoring this thought which opens your mind.

Urbanization doesn’t imply civilization. In a city like Mumbai, there are people around you who have been a prey to abuse. What we need to realize is that for how long will they stay accustomed to this? Do you think that they will not get help if they ask for? How much is too much…is it a choice of personal matters or is it just a matter of choice…Who decides?